The echoes of darkness

Thousands of stairs are before me. I don't know where they end, but I know I'll have to climb. Once in a while I stare down at the abyss, and think, if , it would be easy enough to jump off from the stairs like one jumps off from an airplane with a loaded parachute.

I climb each stair. Feel a sense of achievement as you feel in your graduation day. But in a very short time I get over with this happiness. Something inside me says that I'm not done yet. Long way to go. More stairs to climb.

Once again I look back. Then I look aside into that emptiness where I can throw myself into an unknown eternity. But this constant dilemma persists forever. I don't want to take the leap of faith.

It is a human phenomenon to be in conflict inside and outside. Both are harmful. It's like when in a spread of Tarot cards you find cups and swords together. And it's difficult to predict what might happen.


And often I pondered upon the degree of suffering in living with hopelessness as compared with the momentary suffering that opens the gateway to an unknown unpredictable life.Both are destructive and futile may be, for our reasons are too limited to grasp the meaning of existence and happiness, or rather a happy existence.

Sometimes I do feel that the life of a fool is happier than a wise one, 'cause the fools cannot differentiate between happiness and hopelessness, between reward and bribe, between flowers and the wreath.

The Names behind my Name.

(D)ora the explorer. Oh, I'm lost again.Where's my dope?

(E)ncyclopedia of Ignorance.Emo terrorist.Edward's soul is in my wallet.

(B)ullshit.Bingo! Butter face I am.Booze bonkers.

(A)bove average, Active aggressive.

(P)erfectionist paralysis. Pseudo-intellect. Damn, I'm punked out.

(R)EDHEAD. ROFL

(I)nternet coma:never.I know, right?

(Y)o mama so fat,her belt size is Equator.you are Tagged.

(A)ye. Are you cereal?

(G)ood lenses, bad frames.Gypsy,Grass.Lost my guitar pick.

(H)opeless romantic. For you: Highway salute.

(O)lly olly oxen free. Ooops. Obsessive Computer Disorder.

(S)traight Edge. shit just got real.truly a space alien.

(H)oly shit. HiberHating. Just  Highlosophizing.

Nevermind, I'm as simple as a harmless bacteria. :-)

An Obscure Dream

In an almost fanatic desperation,I woke up.The dream that shook me was a harbinger of a spiritual revelation. I found myself stuck in a web. My hands and legs stretched out,fastened in it and I'm screaming,horrified and perplexed. The web seemed to have the form of a spider's web, except for the fact that it was made of arteries and veins,thicker compared to a human's artery,and moreover I knew it was not a spider's den.

I cried,I screamed,But didn't question why I was there.As if I knew what my crime was, and I was asking for forgiveness. I was guilty of attaching myself to this world,loving and drowning in the transient, evanescent life, indulging myself in the toxic and destructive means of survival,and leading my soul towards a fatal departure.

The web is nothing but the web of "Maya", an illusion or enchantment.The interconnected arteries are my desires which run within me,passionately, to sustain my mind and feed my memories. At one end they are holding me and the other end they're going haywire.

I saw myself as a victim of worldly despair. A life suffered from bankruptcy. Abandoned  aspirations and a withdrawal from  obligations, walking with a bleeding heart and a troubled spirit.

The  spiritual fervor erupted like a volcano again.And it is trying to stop me from taking the drastic fatal decisions that can ruin my very existence.

Daybreak

I stay awake. Somehow I endure the night. I wait to see the anchoring of the dawn upon my waiting eyes. The metamorphosis of the sinister sky, from obscurity to  brightness, an illumination.

It's not the radiant sun that bewitches the living spirit in me, but the association of a name with it, with dawn, than fascinates me to think that this is the only way by which I can possess a person,if not in reality but at least spiritually.

The gloominess that overcasts my thoughts and wraps my feelings all day, suddenly disappears with the inauguration of  the dawn.

The soft breeze, the quiet trees, the wake up call of chirping birds and our three sleeping neighborhood dogs, introduces a normal day.

And I go to sleep in the morning with satisfied eyes but a weeping heart. Nevertheless, the so-called sleep disorder is indeed a matter of my choice.

Because the alpha and omega of my life will always remain the same: the dawn.

STAY AWAY

You think you can catch a girl like me,

Oh what a shame, you want to drown in the black sea.

Oh, what a pity!!you think I'm one of those immigrants from Mexico city.

You rot in your oven, a jellyfish among your fellow men.

You live like a dumb cane, with a hemorrhage in left brain.

Let me tell you in plain and simple,in a nutshell, listen carefully your mind might crackle.

If books are not your cup of tea, in vain you would know about me...

I'm not what you see, I'm not a targeted bird in the tree...

If music never soothed your heart, you can never be my sweetheart...

If you think you're smart, well, think again,you're just a flow chart.

If you spend time in small talks, lengthy walks, and punk rock,

I crudely consider you as lifeless as a wall clock.

I will just wear you as my sock,and might consume you with beef stock.

you better run, run away from me... or else I will hang you in the nearest pine tree.

You better run, run away from my shadow,or else I'll recruit you for the dog show

You better hide your face, save yourself from disgrace.

I'm barbarous, harsh and artless,if I kill you, you wont even find your own trace.

P.S (it's more a song than a poem and do criticize so that I can improve..:)

When we were alone !!!

"We walked arm in arm But I didn't feel his touch A desire I'd first tried to hide, That tingling inside was gone And when he asked me: 'do you still love me?' I had to look away I didn't want to tell him That my heart grows colder with each day." - Bat For Lashes